Dreamt I was in South Africa. How I got there? I felt the breeze and thought this is the African breeze, but also, a woman at a party told me that I'd be exposed to germs I had never known before. There were trees everywhere.

My friend/boyfriend's roommate's friend died today. She was 36. Cancer. I found out Barry Watson has Hogkins Disease (probably misspelled it). Another girl I know just got over the shingles. She was 25. Barry is 30. Someone else I know died at 32 from colon cancer. These people are near my age and why are they sick? Something is not right! 30s is too young!
On another, better note, a guy is interested in subbing my place. He seems OK. I guess you never know for sure. This may be it though......FINALLY. I worry about my babies my cats I'll have to.......I think this guy is OK. I guess I can look a little more and if......
I should be happy that I'm going but I'm just nervous as hell. I can think about what I've done right and wrong, but I'm scared. I need to see the world though.....and I can't stand to read about other's travels cause I just get JEALOUS. My cousin just had her third child and she's my age. She's married. I feel

kind of jealous of her. I wouldn't mind being a stay at home mom either, not worrying about rent and career and cats. I also should travel to scandinavia, where women are allegedly equal, and where there is a social wage. There, the government supports you (women too) and everyone has health care. Women aren't forced to stay in bad marriages.......or whoever, in bad partnerships, like they are here. The men HAVE to take a year off to be with their kids. So if I marry the person I want then he can support me and our kids.....:) But the person I want is not available.....he already is seeing someone and.......is not around. It really sucks. I know, I'm falling for unavailable men, I've heard it before. But this is the one I want, and he's not around. So Scarlett was miserable.......but maybe in Europe or wherever I go I'll meet Prince Charming.....cause one thing travels and everything else have taught me is there is always someone wherever you go. I happen to want this one right now. But we'll see........

IF this place gets rented to this guy and IF he's sane and not a cat killer cause then.......well that won't be good. God/dess help! Then off I go to.......Thailand and Europe and I don't even know. Los Angeles. Back to New York. Please, whoever's out there, help! I need support now more than ever.

So this person I'm in love with will stop seeing her and somehow we'll end up living in the same place and happily ever after.....:)